Cloudo - issue4

Cloudo, Glaswegian

"Head down ass up, at's the way we like to…." here turn at shite aff cheesy ya wee dick. stick ma TTF tape in - at's booze cruise music - no aw that blow ma whistle shite.

     Here, if any a you students ever get a motor dont let wee cheesy pick the tunes - the only burds yeh'll be pickin up wul be skanks fae possil way bigger pants than michelle macmanus.
    A jist goat a new Vauxhall Nova SR - 500 bucks af a mad guy fae posil - a goat a promotion in work so me an the boyz thought we'd go oot fur a cruze. We usualy rally aboot toon bit thirs too many traffic lights n fuckin bus lanes n aw that shite so we headed up towards byers road.
    Normaly ah canny be arsed drivin aboot the west end bit you know whit its like in May, as soon as they student burds see the sun thur the same as any possil slapper - skirt oan, low cut tap, tits hingin oot…
     We were boostin up tae the uni radio station, goin past the back a that ashtin lane an a wis huvin a swatch oot the windae at this healthy lookin burd, she wis leanin air this wall talkin tae some cunt. A stoaped the motor n goat oot tae see if she wis trippin oot her box cause a couldny see any cunt there - a looked air the wall - an a wis like "awwww no danger. it’s a heavy student zoo”

See thurs this bit a grass at the back a wan a the pubs, heavy covered in mad students drinkin thur kroninberg n aw sorts a mad shite beers. Hing is tho, this bit a grass is oan a hill steeper than gardner street in partick. Wee cheesy jumped out the motor n wis like “here check the nick boys, thurs cunts heavy slidin doon the hill like its the fuckin fun house or somethin’.
The burd wis talkin tae this pair a gimps sittin oan thur jackets oan the grass.

Wan a them looked like a heavy office junior an the other wan thought he wis a heavy model or sumin way sunglasses oan his nut and mad trouser up tae he's shins. Wan a them says tae me n cheesy:
"excuse me, but do you have a problem with something", a wis like
     "aye mate - your dial, slidin about the grass way a pint a froth goan aw air yer pedal pushers"
The guy gives the burd this heavy ace ventura cheeser en gees it:
"eh it’s Kronenbourg Blånc actually, not that you'd know about that - style. You know its not the Artic, you can take your tracksuit off you know."
"whit, an you hink yir oan wan a they blak'n'white posters - 'heavy rockets way style' aye?" The mad burd wis heavy laughin behind her hauns.
     "Ohhh god no, have you seen those dreadful adverts? Glasgow - Scotland With Style. They're so ridiculous"
     En he’s office junior mate starts geein it:
"Yeh man - Glasgow doesn’t need some gimmicky poster campain. Glasgow has nine out of the ten most empoverished area's in Britian man. Glasgow City Council should be spending there money on urban regeneration not posters."
Cheesy hid fallen asleep by now, but a wis like:
"Here mate, you heavy read that oan wan a they mad stickers oan the traffic lights. Anyway, a bet you dinny live in wan a they nine areas, day yeh?"
     - "Well i do actualy come from a disadvantaged background so…"

shite statues about the place, cunts still get thur phones took aff them - its jist at noo they get takin aff them under blue street lights instead a orange wans.."
En the topshop manikin starts geein it:
"Its not even that man, they've like totally missed the point. Glasgow has got such a dirty chic subculture going on - look at the boutiques in Decourcy's, or theatres like the tramway and clubs like the subby or the soundhaus. That's why 'Glasgow's Miles Better' was so cool - it got that gritty subculture across, that whole garden festival era. It didn't try to be stylish and that's why it was such a clever statement."

     "look mate tourists don’t want tae go tae the soundhaus or some manky wee boutique doon a lane - they want tae go tae some museums en buy a rennie macintosh mug and get the fuck out a here. A went tae the garden festival. Heavy shite. Wan ride oan the mas cocacola rolercoster n a ride oan a ancient tram fur 10 sheets or sumthin, fuck that. A didny buy a glasgow smiles better tshirt cause y’d get a heavy doin fur wearin wan a them, bit a bet youd pay 50 bucks fur wan fae urban outfitters ya clown."
The burd heavy started pissin her self. The two guys jist looked at each other like a pair a fannies.
     Then wee cheesy, asks the burd "here doll want tae come fur a spin in ma motor" A thought nae chance ya wee dick, tryin tae steal ma thunder
     “nah its ma motor, yeh up fur a spin tho”
     "Em I don’t think she's interested mate"
     "wis a askin you weesacks."
She looks at the mad bottons oan the grass.
"Ehh.... alrite then.”
“Yass ya mad dafties”
“Jules, you can give me a call when you get a car... or even just a job alright."
     The guy wis heavy belin. His misses in the front seat a ma nova boostin away. A hid tae kick wee cheesy out at the tap a byres road tho cause the wee dick kept tryin tae grab her arse.

Yours finaly,
Cloudo ODYT No1 FTP YAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS

By the way if yeh type "cloudo" intae google am heavy no1. check it out

“A didny buy a Glasgow Smiles Better Tshirt caus thur heavy gay, but a bet youd pay 50 bucks fur wan out a Urban Outfitters ya clown.”

"Aye mate nay bother, is at how yer payin 3 bucks a pint tae sit oan a fuckin wet grassy ramp. A didny hink so ya mad dout.”
“Well thats irelevant it still doesnt change the facts..”
This clown hinks he’s tommy sheridan or sumin. His mad bumchum wis lovin it tho, sittin like he wis mates way einstien. The mad burd wis well intae it tho, she wis like
“Murray, what you talkin about your parents live in Bearsden”
"Yaasss, no danger mate. look you ya botton, see at urban regeneration shite, aw they day is paint yer house an put some fuckin

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turn the tunez back oan