Cloudo: on ice
Z A wis goanny whish all yous gofs a merry crimbo but a know how hard it is for you cathouse cunts tae smile, specialy way aw they lights up, ruinin yir marlin manson makeup. Same way aw use mad students, youse hate crimbo n aw, heavy debatein doon in offshore whither lyin tae kids about santa is morally right and how cunts don’t know the true meaning of christmas n aw that shite.
     So anyway, am goany tell yehs a story about ma mucker wee cheesy. He wis up the toon last week dogin college way some stinker of ay a burd he met at destiny. cheesy wanted tae shag her mingin or no, cause cheesy, well hes no exactly Justin timberlake, na a mean. Bit he try’s hes hardest, he even puts oan a bit a lynx now an again. But hes no had hes jam roll in a while so he wis heavy playin it smooth way this burd – here he even washed he’s bergaus an usually cheesy’s mera peak is the fuckin mankyest yuv seen in yer puff.		      He’s main plan wis tay take this burd tae the ice skatein in george square. Burds love that shit even the mad goffick wans skatein about way thir tent trousers heavy moppin up aw the shitey water. For all you students out their who think a trip tae fopp tay buy records is a good day out for a burd, it’s called romance.
      He wis in the queue, right, chattin his burd up sayin he’d pay for it n aw that when this mad student started talking shite tae this burd he wis way, heavy geein it "yeh man, I mean this is just terrible, I don’t think this is for us – so tacky - that’s all Christmas is now you know, money. I bet half those kids on the ice don’t even know what it’s all about; they just think of the presents. I mean do you know that santa is just a marketing tool created by coca- cola, disgusting isn’t it."
    If thir’s wan hing wee cheesy loves its a good bam up, so he starts windin this guy up
     – "here mate, you heavy just read that in some office juniors letter in the metro. You hink she’s interested in yir heavy pish about george bush stealin
crimbo? na mate shes wantin tae go skatein bit your heavy pinchin the pennys so yeh can get your mullet cut fir optimo next week."
- "I don’t need to spend money on some cash-in capitalist Christmas, and if I was going to go skateing I would		   go somewhere a little better than here."
- "like where? the fuckin time capsule, aye. Here tell yeh whits a cash in, fuckin you payin 22 bar fir optimo at the art school, heavy standin way yir mullets wearin yer carhartt jeans listenin tae some shite german electro band playin perry como covers."
- "well optimo’s a bit passé now, and where exactly are you going then?
Out on the street corner with some mulled buckfast, huh"
- "aye if yeh want mate. Am gawin tae see mauro n fergi at inside out. Here did you get a pair a pants way that hair do? Cause the guys made an arse ay
it."
Then this cunts phone starts ringin, heavy "white christmas" polyphonic ringtone
- "here mate much that skin yeh tae down load, mare than a fuckin skate probably"
Nokia, noo theres a brand cheesy knows, mad cheesy winked at this cunts misses and whipped his phone aff him in jumped oan the ice way it. The mad student tried tae fuckin chase him but wee cheesy’s been skatin fir years way trainers oan up the drum, settin aff fire hidrents and letting it freeze, yaaasss. Even the mad supervisor bottons couldny catch him. Here ats his burds crimbo present sorted anyway, na am sayin troops.

Seasons greetings
Cloudo
  “You hink she’s interested in yir heavy pish about george bush stealin crimbo?
na mate shes wantin tae go skatein bit your heavy pinchin the pennys so yeh can get your mullet cut fir optimo next week”
   
   

other sections:
 cloudo's radio show oan subcitysum a ma mucker's sitesgee's a phone
 

 all material copyright "cloudo" & gusrc


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